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Lazaretto Fever

by Inner Swim

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oh my god i’m here with me shut out the day cancel the night is it a moment paused for you it’ll never be quite alright pressing the sound into my ears killing the dream can’t close the eyes
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hush be quiet with me now i’ll let you steal steal me away lead me astray to other waters soak me up drown us out in the night murder your doubt of what this is digging out what is deep in your gut help us find the words to say never enough to alleviate undone hearts swinging above pain holds the hand swinging by a string
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there’s nothing left of what you’ve done and there isn’t any picture not faded by the sun time is a mender won’t keep you safe working and a weaving leaving you at the wake there’s little left of you and me think you’re living in the second but you’re already history time is a tool digging those graves go and savor all the moments but there’s none that you could save what a grave mourning for you and me one sec you’re living it up next sinking into the leaves time is a clown happy at play turning all the frowns around just to watch the smiles fade watch the smiles fade...
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you want to know where it goes it doesn’t go or wear away more is left than the mess I’ll clean up and throw away don’t pretend you know the end it’s not alright but it’s okay half asleep frail and weak and nothing but a shape I wanna know does it go and if anything remains let’s pretend there is no end and nobody takes your place must we grow to let go it’s not alright but it’s okay I wanna know does it go and if anything remains let’s pretend there’s no end it’s not alright but it’s okay
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if i could tell you i still wouldnt tell you
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i love you
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memories for us have reached a peak now there’s no more time for you and me i hope you know how much I’ll always care forgive me for not being there i feel like I’ve fallen in a hole all the light is gone and I’ve lost my soul half my life loving you live full half my life you made so beautiful i did everything I could to keep you here but all I got to keep was the fear i’ll miss you every single night and day i promise no one else will take your place you understood me completely loved me so deeply treated me sweetly savored my company trusted me fully comforted easy gave my life meaning i want you here with me i keep looking in the spots where you’d go they’re all empty now just like me & my hope i want this to feel right but it’s not you were my constant now it’s just me and my thoughts moving in my head like razor blades hurting me and leaving no escape i know you’d hate seeing me this sad i’m trying my best, but missing all we had you understood me completely loved me so deeply treated me sweetly savored my company trusted me fully comforted easy gave my life meaning i’ll always be missing your kisses and kneading kisses and kneading kisses and kneading...
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my heart is hurting for you there’s no going back it happened out of the blue no time to react now everything is brand new with nothing intact i’m holding on to the few things making me glad but all my thoughts are with you and i just feel sad
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machine roaring on living on your back the big bones resting got your shadow trapped never able blur the hurt and stay closer to the fall well on their way the moon out and full cool air in the lungs with a hole to hide myself where i will not be found haven’t felt too well coming for us all has it done to you already what it’s here to drown
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were they mistakes they said i made i’m not so sure that i know who said that way must be that way i’m not so sure that i know is it all that we save or all that we gave i’m not so sure that i know don’t have a friend without credit i’m pretty sure that i know when you go away will violins play i’m pretty sure that i know what to call our own in a world unknown i’m still unsure and don’t know
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shoulda saw the rage chin music he gave to breeze them off but they filled him with daylight and made him do the dance bop elephant ears damn flatties drill and fog like it’s a gas we’re on the horn peaching the newshawk another harlem sunset bop shoulda saw the blaze highbenders and buttons we’ll tighten the screws grab no more air for the heat and grifters as they try on their wooden kimonos bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop
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i am a ghost and i follow you
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what is there left to hope for in a world looking so grim what is there left to love when the air is toxic and thin what is there left to dream of with a mind heavy and dead how could there be laughter in a world full of despair what is there left to live for when the moment is all that you have and it’s sold to the lies and the cold freeze your soul and it’s sold numb the joy drown your soul no control
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tell you something can’t tell if you are bored or dead watch you traveling endless miles in the head going nowhere but insane maybe it is best that way everything goes in the ground you’re blindfolded and you’re turning around and around and around and around and around and around and around and around and around
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everything is terrible
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a bad seed u can’t grow it
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i walk with a ghost from the vanishing days of yore stumblin’ over graves ‘neath the feet with a heart that keeps measuring the stinging wind as it weeps with the stars that make no sound circling like a dance tortured forms dizzy me shown me loss we cannot cure
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wind blows in every direction earth moves into everything wind blows in every direction earth moves into you

credits

released April 1, 2020

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Inner Swim Los Angeles, California

Lazaretto Fever is a spiritual journey.

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